My Mind

These days my mind seems to be on overload.  I don't know if it is because I didn't really get much time to relax at Christmas, or that every weekend seems to be jammed packed before I even know it.  I do know that I need to spend more time in thought and prayer than I have been.

Why is it that when I seem to get more discouraged by the daily struggles of life, my walk with the Lord also is discouraging.  I know what I ought to do, but I don't always do what I ought to do.  I have no excuses, but that is one of the things that I am really working on this year.  My daily time with God is so important and used to be such a ritual for me that it was second nature, but has recently become one more thing to fit into my busy schedule.  I keep telling myself that if I just get up a little earlier then I will have time to hear what the Lord is really wanting to reveal to me today.  For whatever reason, getting up any earlier than I already do has been the biggest struggle for me lately.

What I am finding out though, is that God's love for me never changes.  It doesn't matter what is making me so anxious or how badly I mess up the day, God doesn't change.  He stays the same through all of it.  Today was not exception.  I had some things on my mind today that were causing me a lot of anxiety and weren't allowing me to focus.  As I was driving in the car, a song came on the radio.  I love how KLove is having their 30 day challenge.  It is refreshing to listen to words that are positive and encouraging and that I can listen to while my daughter sits in the backseat.  So, back to the song.  For those of you who know me well, I am a huge DC Talk and Newsboys fan.  Recently, the best of both world collided and Micheal Tait became the lead singer for Newsboys.  They have a new song called "Your Love Never Changes."  Right away when the music came on I got so pumped and began to praise God for how He has carried me through some dark days.  It seems so long ago, but God is the same today as He was then, and he revealed to me how much I need to give him even the smallest of anxieties and let him take those burdens away from me.

What I am learning is that God's love for me is more amazing than I ever knew.  I can mess up royally and He uses that to help me learn and grow in my faith.  But most of all He uses my dark times to bring me closer to him and to give him the glory no matter what the outcome may be.

Just thought I'd share how the Lord is working in my life.


the Ehrlichs

Random Acts of Busyness

The last couple of months and a half has been super busy for us.  I don't think that we've had a single weekend since Thanksgiving where we didn't have something planned or somewhere to go.  I have loved catching up with old friends and seeing people that I don't get to see often at this time of year.   But it has left me with little time to catch up on my blogging and getting organized.  That is one area of my life that I want to work on. 

Here are some things that we've done over the couple of months:

Thanksgiving

I didn't really do a thanksgiving post, mainly because I have had some issues with my camera, and most of the time, I forget to pull it out but instead I am living life without capturing those wonderful moments.  I did get some of Jaycee playing in the leaves, since it was amazingly beautiful out, can't believe it was so nice in Kansas the end of November.  Jaycee is my best subject to take pictures of.  We spent the morning and afternoon at my grandma's house out on the farm.  They have a lot of room outside to run and play and lots of leaves, cats, and a dog for Jaycee to chase and manhandle.  She loves those cats, but I'm not sure how they feel about her, but they were pretty tolerable of how she would try to pick them up and carry them around the yard.  We ate too much food, watched football, and played some card games.  I even got my parents to join in with us. 

Wedding

One of my roommates from college got married the beginning of December.  My senior year, six of us got the chance to live in the nearly new (only a year of two old) dorms.  It was more of large apartment with three bedrooms and a great living room where we all hung out a lot.  Those were some great times.  I remember playing football (powder puff) with most of the girls, and the ones who didn't play were our biggest supporters.  So I got the chance to see most of them at my friend Gail's wedding.  She looked amazing and it was such a beautiful December day. 

 

 

 

Family Pictures

So I have loved seeing everybody's family pictures on facebook this year.  I get so inspired when looking at the types of pictures, locations, and family attire that people choose for their family pictures.  I got the name of a wonderful young woman from a friend of a friend on facebook.  Since I was a little late in figuring out when we would have a free weekend, she was so kind of take our family pictures last weekend.  We went to Hesston at the Arboretum there.  Now it has been several years since I have been there, but we had a beautiful setting to take our family pictures.  Actually, this same place is where Tom and I had our engagement pictures about 12 years ago.  It was neat to see how things changed and the different new settings they now have. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas Decorating

I took a minimalist view on decorating this year.  We do have two Christmas trees, one that is small and sits on a table where Jaycee puts her handmade ornaments, and they our tree which has no presents under it yet.  They are in the basement, but not wrapped or anything.  Still needing to do that sometime soon.  We also have a small assortment of icicle lights just above our porch.  Jaycee had a lot of fun helping me put up the tree and lights, and our ornaments are hung in a sporadic fashion, but it is fun to see how she lights up when the  tree is strung up with beads, lights, and other ornaments.  She did notice and point out to me that most of the ornaments we have are snowman related.  I never really paid much attention to it, but she kept handing them to me and saying "snowman, another snowman".  It was funny!!! 


Christmas Music

This hasn't taken up much of our time, but I just have a couple of funny stories to share.  The first one is that in our area one of the local radio stations start playing only Christmas music from Thanksgiving day until Christmas day.  Usually I have a radio playing when Jaycee takes naps and goes to bed.  It is set with a timer and goes off after so many minutes.  I guess that there are some Christmas songs that they like to play more often than others.  One morning or maybe it was after Jaycee woke up from a nap, she was sitting in her bed all by herself singing, "Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away."  She continued to sing most of the rest of the song.  I couldn't believe that of all the awesome Christmas songs that is the one she remembers.  Another funny story about music, that doesn't necessarily have to do with Christmas music is that for anyone who knows me well and has gotten to see the side of me that lets loose a little, I love to jam and rock out, especially to really fun and rockin music.  Well, a friend lent me her Mandisa cd a while ago, and I have been playing it a lot in the car mostly.  When the radio stations started to play Christmas music, I thought that I'd give Mandisa a rest and listen to some Christmas music.  But Jaycee just wasn't going to stand for that.  Every time we get in the car, I would have Christmas music playing, and I would hear this little voice from the backseat say, "Mandisa please mommy?"  She loves to jam just like her mommy.  What a fun little girl she has become.

 

Still Here

My blogging has suffered a whole lot lately, but we're still here and still living life.  I must say that this holiday season hasn't been the most upbeat one I've ever had.  We've had some overwhelming situations that have thrown us a little as a family and have helped us see what is important.

First I will start off by saying that December was extremely busy for us.  I can't remember being so busy and not working.  Every weekend was loaded with some type of event or outing that was planned way in advance without me knowing how busy that would make us.  To just share a little of our experiences, we had a wedding to attend for one of my college roommates, we decorated Christmas cookies (a tradition that I love, but takes a lot of time), we took family pictures outside this year with a professional, and then to end with a sad note, Tom's dad passed away the week before Christmas and there were a lot of preparations to be made for that.  Tom and his brother and sister are still going through his dad's house sorting through what to sell, give away, and keep.  His dad was quite the collector. 

Needless to say, this holiday season has been pretty overwhelming and busy.  We did have Tom's family over for Christmas Eve.  They came to church with us and then we ate some awesome smoked ham, and other delicious food.  We also played some card games and Jaycee got her uncle John to sit down and watch her favorite movie (at least for now) The Polar Express.  Funny story about that movie, I won it in a white elephant gift exchange earlier in the month, and Jaycee has been wanting to watch it every day since then.

I am looking forward to this new year.  There are so many things that I want to do differently with my time for myself, make better efforts to have a quiet time with God a priority, and using my time with my family in a more productive and relationship building way.  I also want to be more mindful of how busy I am and make the most of the time I have when I am with the people I'm with.

You will get more details on our recent activities in another post, but I just wanted to get a quick update to let you know that we are still here and I do still blog, but sometimes the events of life just make blogging not the top priority of my list and living life becomes a little more important.

We are so thankful that God has brought through this busy and sad time and that his faithfulness is ever present even though we fail to trust Him.  So glad for a God like that!!!


the Ehrlichs

Keepin' It Real

So I have been listening to Mandisa a lot these days.  Thanks to my friend Meagan.  She let me borrow her CD and I think that I have held onto it for a little longer than expected.  But she is the kind of friend that understands that life takes dramatic turns and allowed me to borrow it b/c I was struggling earlier this month.

 For those of you who know me, I am a pretty quiet person, and it takes me some time to warm up to people, but I have this side to me that is quite talkative and loves rockin' out to Christian music.  Back in the days, you could spot me in my little red sports car driving down main street blasting DC Talk's Jesus Freak album, or Jars of Clay, or even the Newsboys.  As I have gotten older, that part of me is tamed down, but still exist for the few people who can bring out the "crazy, outgoing, and rocker" girl in me.  Lately, it has been Mandisa, Toby Mac (formerly a DC Talker), Newsboys (whose lead singer is also a former DC Talker too), and Jeremy Camp.  Are you noticing a theme yet?  I have even made an ally of my daughter loving to rock out too.  But the difference is that unlike me, Jaycee is not quiet, shy, or slow to warm up to people.  She is very outgoing, loves to talk (non-stop sometimes), energetic, excited about almost everything, and bubbly.  Raising a child with different personality traits than myself has been a learning experience for me.  I don't like to stand out and I will blend in if necessary, but she likes the attention and is very strong willed.  While, I don't always understand her personality, I am grateful that she has a strong mind and I am learning so much about her outgoing personality.  She can make anyone laugh just when she is around them. 

Tonight I just want to say that in "Keepin' It Real" I have been struggling this month.  November is the month that I usually dread.  Five years ago in November, I had the most heart breaking tragedy happen to me, and I never thought that I would be able to make it past another hour, let alone be sitting where I am 5 years later.  Everything stopped for me.  Life as I knew it was gone, and I had to try to be someone I wasn't comfortable with.  Losing Caden was so very heart breaking and left me feeling so empty and alone inside.  I remember just sitting by myself and being sad and crying all the time at the smallest possible things that would trigger the memories of that day when I delivered him.  I sat in that hospital room holding my baby for the first time knowing that he wasn't there anymore.  My heart ached for the time that I don't get to spend with him and my life felt so empty.  I can't even begin to express all of the gamat of feeling that I went through.

Now 5 years later, I still feel that I am expected to be that kind of sad again.  I am sad, but not in the way that I once was.  I am sad that Caden doesn't see how many lives he has affected by heading straight to heaven and I want to be sad in a joyful way by remembering the things that have happened as a result of him.  I keep so much of him with me that I remember him when I see all of the people that I have crossed paths with since losing him. I see him in the new friendships that I have made that never would have been were it not for him going to heaven ahead of me.  I remember him everytime I see friends' kids who are the same age as he would have been.  I am also so grateful that Caden changed me.  There was a time when I didn't want to change because I didn't know that "new" girl.  But now I see how much more confidence I have in myself and how much the little things just don't matter in the grand scheme of life.  I have also changed by allowing a piece of him to come with me where ever I go.  He is with me when my daughter asks if the balloon we are holding is for Caden.  He is with me when I see someone hurting and just want to give them a hug, or plate of cookies, or send a card.  He is with me when I meet someone new facing a similar situation and see their breaking hearts and just sit with them.  He is mostly with me when I am alone with my thoughts and can't seem to sleep. 

I think what I am trying to say is that I want to remember Caden, but I am not at that place where I am sad about it as much.  God has been so faithful to me and my family and I know that is a direct result of Caden.  My view of how much God cares for my family has been amplified so much over these last few years.  I would not have been at a place of complete brokeness where all I had and needed was God to fill me, had it not been for losing Caden.  While I wish that God could have used something else to get me to where my faith is today, this is how it is, and I am learning to press on towards the heavenly goal and look to the future with hope knowing that in moving forward I am continuing to take Caden with me.  That is my prayer for my family.

One last blurb about "keepin it real".  I have a wonderful friend that I never would have ever really been close to had it not been for Caden.  This person I consider family.  Her kids play with mine, and she and her husband are among the few people that we feel we can be completely real with.  She accepts me when I am a mess, when I cry, when life is good, and when life is bad.  It is people like her that remind me how much Caden has made an impact on other lives besides just mine.  I have been so encouraged by the growth that they seen in our spritual lives and I know that I can go to them with anything.  Friends like that are hard to find.

So I end by saying that November pretty much just stinks for us, and that is ok.  I think it will always be this way and I will always struggle at this time of year.  Approach us with lots of love, kindness, and sensitivity this month. 


the Ehrlichs  

Kind Surprise

Every Sunday night, I go to work.  That is I work in the nursery at my church.  It is a ministry, in that it helps parents to attend classes, small groups, and Bible studies without having to worry about where there kids will go.  It is work, but I have really started to get to know the kids and the other adults I work with too.

Tonight, I decided to pick up a cappucino for Tom and me and snuggle up under a blanket when I got home.  To my surprise I saw that there was only one light on, and a balloon sitting in the middle of my living room.  I went into the kitchen and found a small blue candle and a card.  Since most of you know our story, and that Caden's anniversary was last weekend, the card was saying that someone made a donation to Agape Care Cradle the non-profit organization that did Caden's memorial in Caden's name.  It melted my heart and made me feel so good that someone remembered.  That meant so much to me.  The only problem was that the card wasn't signed and I have no idea who it was that dropped that off.  I would really like to thank them and let them know how much they made my evening and day.  It was such a cold day that I just napped rested most of the day, that I really wanted to thank the kind person who stopped by.  If you know or are that person, please let us know.  We really want to thank you in person, or at least talk to you.

Thanks so much kind person for the kind surprise and remembrance of Caden.  I know that he is loved by so many and it warms my heart and takes the sting of this time of year away just a bit.


the Ehrlichs

Road Trip - Part 2

Earlier in the summer, I wrote about our road trip to California part one.  You can refresh yourself with the story here.  I kind of got a little sidetracked and  with other things to be able to go back to that.  I literally had over 200 photos to sort through and not to mention that I had reached my photo storage limit with blogger and had to find another way to upload my pictures. 

The second part of our trip involved staying in Thousand Oaks, California which is the city where my grandparents on my dad's side live.  The weather was absolutely amazing there.  It wasn't too hot, and it wasn't too cold either.  It was though a little colder than I thought it would be, but I sure wasn't complaining.  Another thing that was great was that they don't have humidity like we have here in Kansas, so I wasn't sweating like I usually do.

When we got to the city, we had to pick and choose some of the things that we would do.  Here are some sights that we saw while in the city.

Pacific Ocean

Santa Monica Pier

Santa Monica Beach
Jaycee loved the water and wanted to chase it when the tide rolled back out.  So fun!!!

Jaycee and Grandma and Grandpa Walker

Venice Beach
It is very eclectic and there are lots of things to do and much to choose from.  The walking was great though.

Jaycee's grandma bought this cute jacket for her while we were there.  Tom calls it her coat of many colors.

On one of the days, we spent some time in Hollywood.  I always see the sights of Hollywood on TV, but it is much different in person.  First of all, there literally is no parking.  We drove around for quite a while looking for parking, and when we found some, we had to pay for it.  Also, there are lots of people everywhere.  Not like the wide open spaces of Kansas.  Now I like experiencing other areas of the country, and I was ok with it, except that we had a very tired and hungry 2 year old in tow.  So we made the best of the situation.  There is a lot to see, but be prepared to spend a lot more money on things to do and see than what you would expect.  But none the less, we went ahead and braved the crowd and walked down Hollywood Blvd. 

We ate lunch here.

 

 

Took pictures with some famous characters.  Didn't realize that they wanted money afterwards for the picture.

Went to the Chinese Theatre.  It is famous for lots of movies and premieres. 

The Chinese Theatre is also famous for famous people and their handprints and shoe prints in the concrete. 
Here is the governor of California's famous hands.

We rented a van and had to stop for gas.  Couldn't believe how much it was.

On our way back to my grandma's house, we stopped back by the "old neighborhood" where I was born and lived until I was 8.  I have a lot of fond memories of those days, but it was nice to see how things have changed, but also how some of the same places that we went to as a kid are still around. 

My First School
Hazeltine Elementary
My mom would walk me to school everyday.  I was a really quiet kid.

 

 

 

 

The little apartment where we lived.  I remember having to learn my address and memorize it, I also remember that it was here that my dad had to finally get rid of my favorite blanky.  That is one thing Jaycee and I have in common.  It was quite the tramatic event for a 5 year old. 

 

 

Oxnard Beach
This beach is a little cooler than the others, and it was also a little more secluded.  As you can tell we were still all in our clothes.

 

We were able to spend the fourth of July at my grandparents house, and we really just did a lot of relaxing and walking around their neighborhood.  Jaycee found her own bit of excitement and decided that a rock pile in their yard was the perfect entertainment.  She spent about 45 minutes washing the rocks off. 

 

 

 

My aunt Debbie and my grandpa Walker

 

 

On the way home, we decided that we would make a stop in Las Vegas.  I have never been and don't know anything about it except what I see on TV, but thought that it would be fun to spend an evening driving up and down the strip.  We didn't really get out to do anything except eat.  We did however have some time to take a couple pictures of some famous Las Vegas landmarks.  I think that I would eventually like to go back there leaving my daughter behind with her grandparents.



 

 

 

 

 

My dad, mom, Tom, me and Jaycee.
Jaycee had just woken up from a small nap.
Her schedule was non-existent during this trip.

 

 

After spending the night in Las Vegas, we started to head home.  But we couldn't leave without seeing the Hoover Dam.  I was more amazed by this than I thought I would be.  It is a giant dam, bridge and power source for the city.  It is also in the middle of the desert and I couldn't believe how the temperature changed from the city of Las Vegas and the Hoover Dam.

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we finally got back to Kansas, we stopped for dinner in some small town, I can't even remember where.  I slept most of the way home.  But we were so close to the famous Dalton Gang Hideout, that we had to stop.  It was closed by that point, but that didn't stop us from looking around the grounds. 

 



 

My dad found this antler on the ground and put it up to his head.  He is pretty silly, and I think was really tired.

 

 

Jaycee put herself in jail.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This trip was a lot of fun and we got to see a lot of the country.  I always thought that flying would be so much easier and quicker, but seeing so much of the United States was such a fun time.  We had so many stories from just being on the road that I can't even write about them all.  We potty trained our

2 year old, packed lots of snacks, listened to music, played music guessing games, watched DVDs, slept, met interesting people on our stops, learned how to read a map of Los Angeles, hung out with grandparents and great grandparents, helped my aunt and uncle move, spent lots of time in the great outdoors enjoying the beautiful California weather.  It was a great trip and one that we will remember for a long time.

 

 

 

the Ehrlichs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Costumes and Birthdays

For the last five years, I haven't been big on Halloween.  That was the last day that Caden was alive.  It has been kind of a bittersweet day for me since.  But, now that we have our daughter, I have to try to enjoy this holiday again.  Luckily for us, our church has a Candy Corn Carnival which is an alternative to the traditional Halloween trick or treating.  They divide the church into different sections and have games for kids of different ages to play.  Once they finish a game, they can get a piece of candy from the person who is manning the station.  This year, Jaycee got this really cute KU cheerleader outfit for her birthday from my brother and his family.  Anyone who knows us well knows that we love KU especially the basketball team.  So, this year Jaycee was a cheerleader for Halloween. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The beginning of November brought back a lot of memories, many of them painful, which I talked about in my last post titled Five Years.  It also brought some birthday celebrations.  My nephew and Jaycee's cousin Ethan was turning two.  You can see the happy family below.  This is my youngest brother Brandon's son.  He is a really cute, fun, and lovable kid.  I can't believe that he is already two.  One thing that my brother and I have in common is that we love decorating cakes.  Brandon was awesome and made a Yo Gabba Gabba cake for his birthday.  Check all of the birthday fun below.