That being said, I have learned that God is with me always!!! Even when I don't sense His presence. I have learned not to rely too heavily on my feelings, and that there is a season for everything. My journey has not been pretty at times, and has often times really stunk, but God has led me to Him and has brought people along the way that have healed my heart and lessened the pain of losing our first son. That pain isn't so heavy these days, but I do still wonder what Caden would be like when I see other kids the same age as he would've been. I've learned to "not sweat the small things" in life and to enjoy those special moments that I have been given. Life is way too short to let the little things in life get me down or to strive for a type of perfection that is not rooted in what God's plans are for my life. This life is hard, plain and simple. It is not easy, it's not fun at times, or even comfortable.
The more I mature as a Christ follower, the more I learn that my life was never meant to be any of those things. Does God want those things for me? I believe so, but more important than that, God wants an amazing relationship with me and to see me turn to Him and trust Him with those things that no one even knows I struggle with. Well, as I spent a wonderful Monday morning with my awesome kids who make me see how blessed I am every day, I begin to live for those simple moments that I get to spend with them. I am reminded to enjoy those moments even when they aren't as I want them to be.
This past Monday, our Parents As Teachers group went to Botanica. I kept telling myself that maybe this wouldn't be such a great idea. It was really cloudy and rainy out and I just wanted to stay home under a blanket and snuggle up with a good book and movie with my kids. That sounds like fun right? I'm not a person who particularly likes the rain. Being of the curly-headed variety, the rain just doesn't work well with my type of hair (thanks dad :)). But it was one of the last events of the year, and it was FREE!!! Yep, that's right you heard me, FREE. So how could I not go?
I got up early, packed the diaper bag with extra snacks, diapers, wipes, and jackets and decided that when my kids got up we would eat breakfast and go. Well, my kids decided to sleep in and I loved the time to read, but that meant that they had to eat breakfast in the car. Yes, you heard me, I'm that mom, feeding my kids cereal bars while we head off for our daily activities at Botanica.
There is a special kid's area at Botanica that has musical instruments where the kids can play. This was my favorite part. Jaycee made up a wonderful song to the beat while pounding on those wonderful gongs or chimes.
|Miles even had fun despite the rain.|
The weather here in Kansas has been crazy lately. So when we have a day that isn't hot, cold, or windy, I felt like I should take advantage of it. We have this nature center near our house. I often think that I should take advantage of it more than I do. But we needed to get out of the house and I wanted to enjoy the fresh air and get a little walking in.
|I found a scavenger hunt sheet on Pinterest that I thought would be fun for Jaycee as we walked.|
|We saw geese. They are not afraid of us at all. They actually scared me a little.|
|We saw ducks.|
|We saw turtles. We also saw several snakes in the water, but I was too freaked out by them to take any pictures.|
On the Saturday before Mother's Day, Tom asked me what I wanted to do. I really wanted to spend time doing some things we don't normally do as a family. Tom didn't have to referee anymore, and I wanted to enjoy having him around to help me with the kids. We headed out to Old Town and went to their Farmer's Market. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, it was a rather eclectic event, but I got to experience Wichita in a different way. They had live music, a balloon artist, Mother's Day bouquets, and kettle corn. This year Tom and I made a goal for us to try new things. This was one of the new things that I've wanted to do for a while since we've lived here. This might be something I do more often.
Well, that's all I have for today. I don't find my life too exciting, but it's my life and I'm doing the best I can with what I've got. I'm still a work in progress, and will probably always be, but it's in the progress that I learn more and more about myself and the women God created me to be.