Look At This!!!!

Look at what is in our driveway now!!!! 

Dirt, dirt, dirt, and more dirt.

As most of you know, I have been working on an outside project of some sort ever since Caden died.  It has been a very healing way for me to remember him and to just keep looking to the project as life and something that I can look at and see God's hand at work in me and my family.  There are so many times when God speaks to me, and doing these projects are a way for me to stay connected to Caden.  It seems like I am slowly starting to forget or at least the painful memories are not so "in my face" like they once were, that I think I need to do something to let him know that I still miss him and that he always has a place in my heart.

Earlier this week, Tom has been looking for a summer job to keep himself busy and to just have a little extra spending money for us to go on a trip this summer.  As he was driving around, he saw a sign that said "Free Dirt".  I think that I need to fill you in on the running joke around our house.  Ever since I started my outside projects, as we drive around Wichita and see all the new development of new restaurants, hotels, and houses, etc.  I would always say "Ooooh, Look some dirt.  We could haul that in the back of the jeep and take it home for my garden."  Funny right?  As you can tell, I wasn't too serious about it, b/c I knew that we could not fit too much dirt into the jeep and that it would just not be very practical. 

Anyway, Tom sees a sign one day this past week and calls the guy and stops by the place where he is getting rid of the dirt.  The man was very nice and said that he would load it all up for us if we could just come and pick it up.  Well, we don't have a big truck or anything, so I told Tom it was a nice thought, but we just don't have what we need to do it.  So what does Tom do?  He rents a truck from Home Depot (it's pretty reasonable if you ever need to do it) and goes out to the country and gets this dirt.  Pretty soon I see him coming down the street in a truck and a huge pile of dirt in the back. 

We got out our blue tarp, shovels, work shoes, and let Jaycee play in her bouncer.  Then we unloaded the dirt out of the truck.  We put it in our driveway so that it is out of the way and can dry out a little bit.  Between the two of us, an hour later, & lots of sweat dripping in our eyes, we got it unloaded, cleaned out the truck and Tom took it back to Home Depot.  That was my work out for the day.  And now we have lots of dirt to last for the whole summer.  I have BIG plans for that dirt, but it will take me a while.  I will have to work on it during Jaycee's nap times and on the weekends.  So keep looking for more updates on what I do with all that DIRT!!!

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 This is currently what the Memorial garden looks like.  I have had some new ideas and way to update and rearrange some things so that they will go together a little bit better.  My flowers are in full bloom right now and look so huge compared to what they were last year.  Jaycee is always a good subject to take a picture of, so she is in many of my pictures too.

 I put her in the laundry basket after I was done folding laundry.  She has had a bit of a cold lately, but she still love being outside.

 The bright orange flowers are lilies, and the white ones are a vining plant that my parents got for us a couple of years ago.  I keep trying to get that plant to vine up the side of the arch, but it just hasn't quite gotten there yet.

 This is the full garden so far.  I really need to get more mulch and weed it, but it really looks pretty good so far for me doing absolutely nothing to it yet.  I hope to make some new updates by the end of the summer. 

 Keep checking back with us.  We have a busy summer ahead of us, but it is busy with lots of love.  I am always amazed at how God could make such a beautiful world.  It really makes me stop and look at His creation and know that He loves me so much.  All of the bad things just seem to disappear when I look at it that way.

Father's Day

Just a few days ago, but it brought back so many emotions for both Tom and I. I cried and prayed a lot that day and tried to make it special for him. I know that Tom wished he could have had the chance to BE dad to Caden. Even though Caden is in the best hands ever, he still wishes he could have taken him outside and shot hoops with him or taught him how to swing his first baseball bat, or even just had time to go out and explore nature and the bugs and creepy crawly creatures around the yard. We spent the day just mostly remembering Caden and the whole experience and the hospital visit and where we were almost 2 years ago at this time and anticipating his arrival. It seems like just yesterday for us, but then again seems so long ago b/c the road we have walked has been so long & hard. We never thought God would lead us through so much change and yet still give us peace that He Is In Control NO MATTER WHAT!!!

I tried to make the day special for Tom by getting breakfast for him. He was very surprised b/c lately I don't get up that early to go out and bring home a special breakfast just for him. He mostly just wanted the day to be over with. So we spent a lot of time together outside some pulling weeds from our memorial garden and just resting in God's plans for our future and a little one who is to come soon. I know that Tom will have his chance to be a great dad to this little coming in October, and he will see everyday how Caden is the best big brother b/c he is watching out for him or her everyday. We don't know why things happen the way they do, but God has a plan to give us a hope. Our hope is in His eternal love for us and Caden has gotten to fully experience that love first hand. We miss you Caden and wait for the day that we can see you again, but until that day you will forever be in our hearts and in our family.

Memorial Weekend

This past weekend, I decided to go with Tom to some dirt track car races in Humboldt, Ks. Racing is one of the things that he used to do with his dad quite often before we got married. His dad is getting up in age and mostly goes to local tracks near Hutchinson, but every once in a while, I will try to brave the dirt and wind and be a good sport and go with him. I have to say that I actually didn't mind it too much. Sunday was such a great day for weather that I enjoyed spending time with Tom in a different setting.



I also had some time to work on my garden. It was a garden that I started the summer after we lost Caden. It was a way for me to do something in memory of him and to see the progress so far. Some things have been kind of slow with the garden, as it was my first time doing a project like this and knowing what types of plants to plant there has been tricky. I can't say for sure what all we planted this year, but they sure do brighten up the area quite a lot. Here are pictures of what it looks like today. Tom reminded me that every weed I pulled and every bit of dirt that I packed in there was in memory of Caden. I have to say that I hope he likes what we have made for him there. It is the only thing that I can think of that allows me some comfort and peace that Caden is watching us from Heaven and looking out for our family. My parents also got a flower I think a lily that vines. I hope that I won't kill that one.

Below is a very beautiful flower that we found at Home Depot. I am not sure what kind it is and hope that it will come up again next year. We will see. I thought that the leaves were so bright green and the flower was so bright red that it would bring a lot of much needed color to the garden.

Here is the finished product. I have been having to keep trying new flowers and plants to see what will work in this particular area of our house. This side of the house gets a lot of sun after around noon, but is pretty well shaded until then. So it has been a trial and error process for me, but something that I never thought I would enjoy doing. If you have any ideas as to what is good to plant there I will take suggestions.

Here are two pictures of the memorial garden that I am working on this summer. This first picture is right before I started. It is on the west side of our house, and it gets a lot of sun. I am hoping to be finished by the end of the summer.


















This is a picture of where I am at right now. I have actually gotten a little farther, but I don't have pics of that yet.