Thursday, April 24, 2014


Long Time …

Well, time sure does seem to fly by so quickly that I have a hard time keeping up with it.  Life around our house has been quite busy and I’ve really had other things more pressing for my time than blogging.  I have really wanted to blog to keep up with our family and eventually put each years worth of blogs into a book, but again my lofty goals sometimes get derailed by life.

So just to update you, I will share some things that we’ve been up to since November.  There will probably be a large load of blogs to make up for the lost time.

This is always a hard month for me.  While, I’ve come a long way since 2007, November is where loss is so prevalent in my mind.  Each year gets a little easier, but I’m realizing that no matter how much time has passed, the memories of losing Caden are still so fresh every November.  Each year looks a little different for me and my family, and I never really can anticipate what it will be like.  I’m not so sad anymore, but rather wondering what Caden is doing and seeing in us here on earth.  Is he in complete awe of Jesus and God’s wonderful heaven?  Does he see us down here and is he anxiously waiting for the time when he can spend eternity with our family?  Is he a baby still?  Those are the thoughts that I ponder every year. 
With Thanksgiving being at the end of the month, I used to find it so hard to be thankful, while a member of our family would not be with us.  As I get older and try to answer questions from my four year old about Caden, I am beginning to realize that Caden is with us, just not in the way that I would like for him to be.  I also have been working on being thankful for what I’ve seen in myself, my husband, my kids, and my life since that time.  Life sure is not what I had expected it to be when we lost him, but there is still so much that I have learned from God during that time.  While I would not wish that type of pain on anyone, I have found that it has made me less fearful of what terrible things this world throws at me.  Death doesn’t scare me like it used to.  I am so hopeful for a time when I won’t have to cry about missing those I love who have moved on to heaven before me. 
There was a song back in 2008-2009 that I listened to a lot and I would sit and cry for hours, but eventually the words brought so much hope to me.  Jeremy Camp has a song called, There Will be a Day.  The chorus says this, “There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears.  There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more and we’ll see Jesus face to face.  But until that day, we’ll hold onto Him always!!!”  What truth there is to those words.  I remember after having Jaycee and finally getting to hold a baby that we had waited so long for, I would rock her at night and sing that song.  What comfort to know that this life is not all there is for those who believe in Christ’s death and resurrection and accept his payment for our sins.

This is a painting I made.  I eventually gave it as a gift to my grandparents.


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