So, it has been a while since I last wrote. School has started and has left me quite busy with getting my schedule all figured out and learning to work with a new person and getting comfortable with a new team of teachers that I will be working with this year.
Right now I will be entering my 33rd week of pregnancy. This week has been one I have been dreading for quite some time now. The last couple of weeks have also left me thinking a lot about when I was on bedrest with Caden, which would have been right now.
I have often wondered why during the three most challenging weeks for me emotionally and mentally during this pregnancy, God would allow me to be pregnant at this point and time being 30-33 weeks pregnant. I know by now that God's plans for me are so different from my own and I have walked quite a challenging road to accept and trust that God's ways are better. However, several times these last couple of weeks, I have been asking him why he chose to have me be 30 weeks, then 31 weeks, then 32 weeks, then 33 weeks pregnant at the most stressful part of the school year?
Tom and I have been doing pretty ok with the way things are right now, and just everyday trusting God to give us enough strength to take care of today. As the start of my 33 weeks of pregnancy has been approaching, I have been more and more nervous and some feelings that I thought I had overcome are creeping back up again. I think that is normal, but still scares me quite a bit. Throughout most of this pregnancy, I have definitely felt that so many people out there are praying for us and God has give me peace and rest in his love for me and this little girl that is continuing to grow inside me. Still, today I find myself wondering what will happen this week? Is she really ok? Am I going to be ok whatever God chooses to do in her life? How do I celebrate each day that she is still alive?
I also find myself crying a lot more lately. It reminds me so much of what I was doing this time 2 years ago. The memories of the doctor's office and the biophysical profile (basically like a sonogram). The panic I felt when no one at the office would tell me what was going on. How alone I felt b/c Tom was not able to make it to that appointment and how I just wanted to cry on his shoulders and be held by someone who loved me. All of those memories keep continuing to come up without warning. Yet, despite how hard that is I know that God is also holding me and my baby. He knows what we have in store for our lives and somehow, I completely trust that. It doesn't mean that I don't questions Him from time to time, but it does mean that I know He holds everything. I find peace and comfort in that.
So, this week I have a couple of fun girl things planned for myself to help me celebrate and to also get my mind off of constantly thinking about what is going to happen next. Tom and I are getting together with some very dear friends who have allowed us to share no matter how vulnerable or ugly we have been, I am going to get a massage to ease some of those back pains that I have been getting a lot more of lately (I have been looking forward to this all summer). And also since I am finding it harder and harder to touch my feet these days, I plan on one day to get a pedicure so that my feet are nice and pretty these last few weeks. Then to wrap up a very emotionally draining week, some girlfriends are coming over to have a chick flick afternoon and celebrate the end and a new beginning for me. I also have another sonogram at the end of this week to see that she is still growing and doing well.
For Tom and I this week, we ask for your extra prayers especially this week in particular. We also ask that any kind of encouragement you can give will help us out a lot. We also just thank everyone who has walked this tough road with us and say a special thank you to those of you who have showed us how happy you are for our family. It means so much to us that people still care and are willing to share in a new addition to our lives.
I leave you with part of a Bible verse that Tom and I have quoted to each other many times not knowing the road we would have to walk, but still giving us courage to press on and live a life that will glorify God in all that we do. It may not be easy and it may take longer than we want it to, but God gives us the strength and courage to keep pressing on.
"Steady plodding brings prosperity..."
Tom & Mira