Every summer I along with some other teacher friends have a weekly Monday night Bible study. This year we have been following the book Made to Crave by Lysa Teurkerst. I have learned a lot about myself through this study. I realize that I do sometimes have an issue with eating too much food and looking to it for comfort.
There was a time in my life when the whole world fell apart and I didn't eat at all. So my choice comfort food/ drink was cherry Pepsi. I drank it all the time and it satisfied me when nothing else would. But once I started eating again, I didn't give up my Pepsi drinking habits and my weight just kind of crept up on me.
Through this study, I have learned that my cravings for food are not healthy when I look to it for comfort instead going to my Holy Father. God has really blessed me over the years, but I haven't always liked the circumstances that He has allowed me to be placed in. At times it angers me, but I am starting to realize that each difficult circumstance has helped me grow so much in my Christian walk, my outlook on life, my relationships with friends and family, my marriage, and the way I feel about myself.
It may come as a surprise to some, but I have struggled a lot over the years with not liking myself. There are many things that have attributed to that, but mostly I have felt different all my life. Whether it was the fact that all of my friends had beautiful straight hair and mine was curly, or that I seemed to have a year round tan that made some people I met uncomfortable, or that I just don't always follow the crowd and do my own thing. All of those things and many more have made me have a hard time loving myself at times. There are many days that I have just wished that I was normal.
I am starting to realize that "normal" is different for everyone and that we all have something that we wish was different or that we could change about ourselves. Through this study and I learning that I need to start loving myself the way I am, and to change the things that I can and accept and love the things that I can't. God has a plan for me and He created me this way for a reason, and He doesn't make mistakes, so I need to stop treating myself like I am a mistake, and give myself a little mercy and grace to be who I am the way I am.