So I have a couple of questions and maybe you can help me. What do you do when you are sick and need rest, but you have a baby who depends on you for her every needs? What do you do when all of your energy and strength has left you and you can't even hold your baby? What do you do when every single muscle in your body aches and moving is the last thing that you want to even think about?
I have had some rough couple of days. A couple of days ago, I spent the day sick in bed. Lucky for me, Jaycee has been feeling pretty good and can amuse herself, but I feel like a horrible mother. I can't even hold her without being in pain and feeling so drained. I know that it is b/c I have been sick, but this flu has wiped me out. I never knew how good I had it before we had a baby. All I had to do was take care of myself, but now Jaycee depends on me, and it really gets me down that I can't be the kind of mom that I want to be for her these days. I really hope that I can get to feeling better soon.
For the past couple of years, I have been asking God , "What now?" It seems like life was such a roller coaster ride for us and I have been searching for something so that my life could make sense again. Going through those times were rough, but it seems to me that I still am asking those same questions. "What now God?" I have sensed that the direction my life was taking came to a screeching halt 2 and half years ago, and I have been searching for what to do next. Until then, I have just been waiting on God to guide me and allow me to make good and wise choices that will be right for my family.
It is amazing how God chooses to show his guidance and direction. Last week, I was definitely given a closed door to a decision that I have been wondering about for some time. A door was closed, and now I don't have to make that decision. I thought that I would be in a terrible panic, but right now, I just feel relieved that that is one direction that I won't pursue. I am still asking God, "What now?" and I believe that he will reveal it to me in His timing, which is sometimes hard for me to accept, but my trust in His plans for my life continue to be strengthened and I see that He is at work, even in the most insignificant things. So I keep waiting for His direction for our family and enjoy the times that we have together.
On another note, today is my birthday. I am now 2 years into my 30s. This week I have felt like I am 30, but most days I still feel like a kid and that I am playing house. So anyway, Tom got me a much needed massage that I will get on Saturday, and then we will spend some time with friends just hanging out!!! I couldn't ask for anything more.